When You Should Seek Counseling
According to a survey done by Forbes in 2021, 47% of Americans consider going to therapy to be a sign of weakness. However, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, 1 in 5 adults in the United States suffer from a diagnosable mental illness.
These are incredibly sad statistics. I could drone on about how therapy is definitely not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of incredible strength. Alternatively, I could reflect on just how harmful it is for a person fortunate enough to “not need” therapy to cast unnecessary judgment on that which they do not understand. And I probably will some other time, but not now. Right now, I’m speaking to whatever percentage of that 47% could actually benefit from therapy themselves, because therapy is not for the weak. It’s for everybody.
You don’t have to meet a certain emotional pain criterium to benefit from therapy. Additionally, when we seek counseling, we are not the only ones who benefit - the people in our lives benefit as well. Maybe your brother will appreciate your calmer speaking tone when you confront him about stealing your macaroni when you specifically asked him not to. Maybe your boss will appreciate you consistently showing up to work on time after you and your therapist establish a work-with-able morning routine that - lo and behold - you finally feel equipped to follow.
So, without further ado, here are some common signs that it’s time for you to consider therapy.
Difficulty Regulating Your Emotions
We all have experienced some form of mood swings - after all, our emotional states aren’t constant, but rather ever-evolving given context. However, if you start to feel like your moods are changing so rapidly or intensely that you struggle to keep up, it may be time to consider talking it out with a trained professional.
Of course, rapid or intense emotional switches could be contextually appropriate. For instance, if you’re driving home from work and you feel contented and satisfied, it would make sense that almost getting hit by someone who didn’t check their blind spot might alter your emotional state some. However - if you’re driving home from work, and you feel contented and satisfied until you get barraged with thoughts that you can’t shake, that is a good sign that you could benefit from talking about those thoughts with a trained professional. While your emotional state may feel uncontrollable, there are plenty of ways to learn how to better navigate your brain’s emotional reactions to life as it is.
Developed (or Developing) Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
We all know that cliche sitcom moment where the protagonist gets broken up with and immediately heads towards the freezer for an entire tub of ice cream. It can be a fun part of being an adult to treat yourself - and, in moderation, there is absolutely nothing wrong with indulging in your favorite snack or having a glass or two of wine. However, when the use of these substances becomes more frequent, and when you start to feel anxiety at the thought of not indulging in these activities, you may be developing some unhealthy coping mechanisms.
We all know that too much ice cream isn’t good for us physically. We know that too much alcohol isn’t good for us physically. What we may tend to overlook, however, is the implication overuse of these substances has on our mental state. Using substances to cope isn’t good not only because of the potential for an addiction to be born - it isn’t good because it’s just another way to ignore our own emotions instead of processing them. And when we don’t process our emotions, we tend to get stuck with them. And when we get stuck with them - well, we feel stuck! Therapy can help with that.
Difficulty Managing “Basic” Life Tasks
We’ve all been there - with so much going on, some days it’s hard to not hit snooze fifteen times before finally getting up. But what happens when you’re late to work every day because you can’t get out of bed? What about when you’re neglecting regular meals because the thought of cooking is just too overwhelming? I’ll tell you what happens more often than not - we use those perceived personal failings as another way to beat ourselves up.
Chances are if you’re struggling with “basic” life tasks, something’s up with your psyche. It could be so many things - untreated attention deficit issues, undiagnosed depression, an overwhelming personal and professional schedule - the list goes on. The important thing to remember here is that, whatever it is, you could absolutely be helped by a licensed counselor or therapist.
Big Life Changes
The thing about humans is that we are wired on a fundamental level to be averse to change. Why is that? It is because there is an evolutionary advantage to being cautious with the unknown. And any change automatically involves some element of the unknown. Terrifying, I know.
Please don’t overlook how stressful life changes can be. Whether it’s a move, a career change, or a dynamic shift in a close relationship, change can wreak havoc on our psyches. Even if it’s just a few temporary sessions, chances are you could benefit from talking about your life changes with a trained professional.
Desire for Self-Growth
Many of us think of therapy as something reserved for people who struggle with some form of mental illness. Even those supportive of therapy often create a subconscious line in the sand - on one side are people who get help for their mental health, and on the other are people who don’t need any help. This is a tricky way of thinking about our brains.
Think of mental health like physical health - do you have to be terribly out of shape to benefit from a personal training session? No, not at all. In fact, the one and only requirement for seeking guidance from a personal trainer is the desire to improve your physical fitness, and the acknowledgment that there are professionals who have dedicated their careers to helping people do exactly that. The exact same logic applies to therapy - if you want to improve your mental state (and your life!), therapy is an excellent first step.
Strained Relationships With Others
We’ve all experienced a relationship not working out. Sometimes, two people simply aren’t compatible, and being in each other’s lives causes more harm than good. That is totally valid and more than okay. However, if you find yourself consistently struggling to form or maintain friendships and relationships with other people, that might be worth exploring with a trained mental health professional.
Maybe you struggle with responding to texts in an appropriate time period. Maybe you find it difficult to really open up around your friends and loved ones. Maybe you find yourself doubting if your friends are really your friends. The bottom line here is that close relationships with other human beings keep us grounded and connected. They are a fundamental pillar of overall mental wellness. Translation: relationships with other people make life worth living. If you feel like interpersonal relationships are an area you have difficulty navigating, talking with a therapist could help you tremendously.
Strained Relationship With Self
How do you talk to yourself? How do you take care of yourself? If asked, could you list your five greatest strengths and weaknesses? Unfortunately, we get so caught up with living our lives that we often forget to check in with our number one confidant - ourselves.
It is so important to be in your own corner. Despite what you may have been conditioned to believe, you deserve to like yourself. If you don’t like yourself, it will be exceedingly difficult to obtain any form of satisfaction or real joy, because literally everything you experience you experience with yourself. One of the best ways to get to know and like ourselves is to consult with a therapist.
The truth is this: our modern world is hard to keep up with. We are, in many ways, more connected than ever before - however, for many of us, that very connection is a source of tremendous stress and overwhelm, which then in turn breeds feelings of isolation and disconnect.
Oftentimes, we attempt to hide our points of struggle from the world. When your boss asks you how your weekend was, you might not feel comfortable sharing that you spend most of it holed up in your bedroom crying while Netflix played in the background. When your mom calls to check in, you might mention that you’re up for a big promotion at work, all while leaving out the part where you haven’t had a full night's sleep in two weeks because of how nervous you are regarding the outcome of said promotion. There are countless reasons why we may choose to hide our suffering from others. We don’t want to freak them out or cause them to worry about us. We also don’t want to be rejected or seen as a burden. While it’s true that there are less than appropriate times to offer up our darkest thoughts and feelings, it is also true that each and every one of us needs an outlet for said darkest thoughts and feelings. No one can do it alone - and no one should have to.
Elizabeth Raps
Elizabeth is a musician and writer living in Athens, GA