a piece for national suicide prevention month by hampton campbell
*The following contains frank discussion of suicidal ideation. Please proceed with care, and reach out for support if needed
Written by Hampton Campbell, Community Support Staff at Nuçi’s Space:
It was early Spring 2021 when I called the Georgia Crisis and Access hotline number. I was contemplating suicide and one call changed my life. This was during the height of the pandemic, and about a year since the first shutdowns happened. All the local music venues were closed, social distancing led to isolation, and I fell out with a close friend. Other, more personal things happened, and each difficulty led to more maladaptive coping strategies.
I wish that I heard from others who called the hotline, so I’d know what to expect. I had worries about being institutionalized or taken to a psych-ward against my will. I feared being misunderstood and being only seen as my illness. I’d like to use this opportunity to reflect on what happened, and to inform people who might call the hotline, because anyone looking for help shouldn’t be fearful.
My mental environment was a cul-de-sac of hurt and confusion. I incorrectly thought I could think my way back to health; there would be a logical silver bullet that would save me. I’d find the root memory or thought that led to sleepless nights, binge drinking, and self-harm. Looking back, I realize all I did was have a staring-contest with the void.
After months of white-knuckled living, I ran out of steam; my brain was boiling over. There isn’t a single day where suicidal ideation started; instead, the thought of being dead became more and more familiar. It was a gradual shift from thinking about being dead, imagining I was dead, and, finally, wanting to be dead.
Thanks to Nuçi’s Space’s help-a-friend card, I had the number of the national hotline–this was before it changed to 988. I was anxious before calling; I didn’t know what to expect on the other side. Would cops show up with a straight jacket? Would I be sent to a psych-ward? I called, not knowing what would happen next; but I knew I wouldn’t last long in the state I was in.
When I called, I called the national hotline first. The woman on the other end connected me to the Georgia Crisis and Access hotline. From there, I told a crisis counselor my address, and was told I could talk to them on their drive to my home. The counselor wanted me out of my room, then they told me to put knives and chemicals outside, and talk about why I called. Their drive took about an hour, and during that time I talked about what I was struggling with.
When they showed up it was around three in the morning. I talked through some of what drove me to call. Before I could start falling down another rabbit hole, the counselor asked me if I had ice cubes; I was taken aback a little by the question. I said I did, and the counselor went to my freezer. He put all my ice cubes in a bowl then filled the ice bowl with water.
“You sound like you’re in your reptile brain. Try dunking your head in this ice-cold water,” the counselor told me. I did and I had my face in the ice water for about thirty seconds before needing to come up. Strangely enough the miniature ice bath worked, and I was back to being lucid.
After dunking my head, we talked about what the best plan moving forward would look like. I knew I was very sick, but I told the counselors I didn’t want to go to the hospital; I had worries because it was the height of the pandemic. They had me call my doctor instead, so I could start a new regiment of SSRI’s. They gave me information and helped me call Summit Ridge, a partial inpatient program. The last thing they had me do was a packet of paperwork that outlined how I would move forward from this.
Looking back, the call was the easiest part on my journey to health. Both directly and indirectly, making the call connected me to the help I desperately needed.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month.
At Nuçi’s Space, we are committed to raising awareness, breaking the stigma around mental health, and providing the tools needed to help prevent suicide. This month, we remember those we’ve lost, stand with those who are struggling, and commit to creating a world where proactivity and intervention replace that final act.
Suicide affects people from all walks of life, but every life is precious, and together, we can make a difference. Whether you’re battling thoughts of suicide, know someone who is, or simply want to be part of the conversation, you are not alone. If you or someone you know is struggling, please don’t hesitate to seek help:
📞 Call 707-227-1515
💻 Learn more about our Health and Wellness Services
If you are in crisis, please click here or
Call the Suicide Crisis Line: 988
Call the Georgia Crisis and Access Line (GCAL): 1-800-715-4225