Valentine's Day - What's the Deal With That?
Valentine’s Day, am I right?
For many, Valentine’s Day marks a significant celebration of love in all its forms. For some, it is perceived as a commercially driven scam intended to remind us of all the ways our lives don’t “measure up” to what they could be. If that’s you, I get it - but I also challenge it.
While love alone cannot fix our problems, it is true that healthy love is among the more critical components to overall mental and emotional wellbeing. Connection to others (and ourselves) is what makes life worth living.
Any opportunity to celebrate or find joy in daily living is one that, in my non-humble opinion, should be fully and enthusiastically embraced.
After all, love is a wonderful thing - why not take advantage of a culturally recognized day dedicated solely to celebrating it?
Whether you’re reading this as the love of your life makes you a grilled cheese or as you debate how many nights in a row one person can have a grilled cheese before someone should do a wellness check, here are some tried and true ways you can get in the holiday spirit this Valentine’s Day.
What is Love?
As a noun, love is defined as “an intense feeling of deep affection” or “a great interest or pleasure in something”. As a verb, love is defined as “liking or enjoying something very much”.
On this day of love, make a point to reflect on what love means to you as an individual.
When you say you love someone or something, what do you mean?
In what context do you tend to use the word love? Do you throw it out like candy, or prefer to reserve it for when you really mean it? Why?
What do you love most about your life right now?
When you think about love for others, what people come to mind?
TLDR: whether through reflective journaling or a conversation with a loved one, take some time this Valentine’s Day to really consider what love means to you.
Love Yourself (the Way You Want to be Loved)
By now, it’s likely you’ve at least heard of the 5 love languages. Originally termed to help identify ways to better show up in a romantic partnership, the 5 love languages cover the key areas in which most people tend to express - and receive - love.
Learning about the 5 love languages (Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Gift Giving) is an excellent way to develop tools to better understand how the people in your life feel most loved. Just as importantly, the love languages reveal how you yourself feel loved.
This Valentine’s Day, learn your love language and try applying it on yourself. If you don’t know your primary love language(s), take this quiz to get pointed in the right direction.
Some examples of ways you could show yourself love according to your love language include:
Words of Affirmation: if you just need to hear the words, then this is the place for you! Try writing a list of your ten favorite things about yourself right now, in this moment. If that feels difficult, pretend you’re writing about a friend.
Physical Touch: looks like it’s time for a spa day! Whether you find a local masseuse, buy a foot massager, or simply treat yourself to a hot bath and a face mask, make sure to give yourself some sensory love this Valentine’s Day.
Quality Time: when’s the last time you carved a few hours into your schedule to really spend time with yourself? Today, intentionally choose an activity that you know you’ll enjoy, and treat yourself to some undisturbed time enjoying it.
Acts of Service: chances are, you do so many things for yourself every day without saying thank you. If you feel loved through acts of service, do something nice for yourself today - and make sure to do so with love and gratitude. Whether you cook your favorite meal or wash your sheets so they’re fresh and warm, you’ll know that it was an act of love from and for yourself.
Gift Giving: did someone say shopping spree?! I’m kidding… unless?
Alternatively, try sharing the love languages quiz with those closest to you! You never know what may surprise you while learning how to love your people more effectively.
Take a Social Media Break
Few if any of us are immune to the constant bombardment of messages we receive on social media telling us how much better we and our lives could be if only we were more like person X and less like ourselves. Pardon my French, but those messages are absolute hogwash. Always have been, always will be.
However - and this is a big however - we can simultaneously be aware that social media may negatively impact our self esteem while continuing to use it. The reasons are endless - we want to feel connected, we want a thoughtless distraction, we want to know what’s happening, etc.
I’m not trying to get you to throw away your phone. Well, actually, I am… but just for today! It might not seem like much, but sometimes the last thing we need when we’re feeling vulnerable is to compare ourselves with the best versions of everyone else. Think of it less like you’re taking something away from yourself (social media access over a given period of time) and more like what it is: providing yourself a solid opportunity to prioritize presence. Give yourself a much deserved break from the internet today (after you finish this post, of course!).
Not to pick favoriters, but ours is at minute 6:45.
Be Kind for the Thrill of It
It’s almost impossible to feel bad while you’re extending kindness to another person. Humans are social creatures - to some degree, we are wired for interconnectivity.
Right now, there are so many people who’s days and lives you could improve just by showing up and being yourself.
If there’s a friend or loved one who you haven’t reached out to in a while, try giving them a call or sending them a message letting them know how much they mean to you.
Try visiting a local donation center to donate food, books, or clothing to those in need. While you may not see the direct impact your donation makes, you’ll know that someone out there will have an easier time because of you - and that’s something.
Compliment a stranger! Whether it’s someone in front of you in line with killer boots or a cashier with a particularly infectious smile, you should let them know - always, but especially today. Share the love!
Buy a coffee or treat for a coworker. They won’t be expecting it, and they’ll definitely love you after. A tale as old as time.
For more ideas on acts of kindness, visit the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation.
Name Your Feelings
One of the most effective ways to avoid getting swallowed up by emotions (good or bad!) is to identify them as they start to set in. If this sounds obvious to you, that’s truly wonderful - however, many of us where taught from an early age to suppress or deny our emotions for a variety of reasons.
A tried and true path towards regaining inner peace is to identify and sit with your emotions. Naming your emotions reminds you that they are simply that: emotions. Nothing more, nothing less. An emotion isn’t a fact, nor is it some undeniable truth about you or your life. Emotions are simply indicators - and we can only get what we need from them if we allow them to come and go as they will.
To identify your emotions, I recommend using the Feelings Wheel. The Feelings Wheel is a commonly used tool to help put a word to what you’re feeling - you can start at the center of the wheel (which contains the basic range of human emotions) and move farther out until you find the emotion or emotions that resonate most clearly with you.
It’s about time you started getting comfortable with your feelings. Ultimately, love is meant to be shared and expressed. In order to love yourself and others, it will be incredibly helpful for you to understand your own emotions so as to communicate them effectively.
Important Disclaimer: it’s important that you approach identifying your feelings with compassion and patience. If you’re feeling shame, that’s okay! No need to add additional judgements on yourself for being a breathing creature with thoughts and feelings.
Get the Help You Need
Hopefully, these tips will help you as you navigate through the human experience. If you find that you’re struggling mentally or emotionally today or any other day, it may be time to reach out for help. No one gets where they are by themselves - if you need help, that is more than okay.
Receiving adequate mental healthcare is the most loving thing you can do - not just for yourself, but for all the people who love you. If you live in the Athens area, give us a call at 706-227-1515 to speak with one of our counseling advocates, who can help you find affordable mental health treatment options. If you live outside of the Athens area but would still like guidance or connection to resources near you, email space@nuci.org and we will try to help in any way that we can.
That’s all, folks! Have an excellent Valentine’s Day.
Elizabeth Raps
Elizabeth is a writer/musician based in Athens, Georgia.