Dismantling Cognitive Distortions: All-or-Nothing Thinking
According to the American Psychological Association, a cognitive distortion is a faulty or inaccurate thought, perception, or belief. These less-than-accurate perceptions and beliefs are actually assumptions based on little to no concrete evidence. They are opinions that we accept as fact - and they tend to be negative and irrational. It is important to note that while certain mental health issues can certainly exacerbate the depth or frequency of these distortions, cognitive distortions are experienced by nearly everyone. In many ways, cognitive distortions are a normal mental process - I mean, it’s impossible for each and every thought or belief we have to exactly match reality, right?
That is true - it’s normal to have some cognitive distortions. However, just because something is normal does not mean that it is necessarily good or helpful. While it is important that we acknowledge and accept that we won’t always have accurate beliefs and opinions, it is equally important that we learn to critically evaluate our thoughts, especially when they cause us distress or create dissonance between us and some part of our external world.
There are at least 10 cognitive distortions currently identified by researchers, and many more than that depending on how you categorize them. Today, we’ll be talking about a common cognitive distortion known as “All-or-Nothing Thinking”. It can also be referred to as black-and-white thinking or polarized thinking. As you’ve probably pieced together from its
names, all-or-nothing thinking involves absolute thinking - life is either all good or all bad, your friend is the best or the worst, and your accomplishments mean everything or nothing.
There are several common examples of all-or-nothing thinking. The root of almost all of them is some form of perfectionism. If you mess up your new and healthier diet once, do you let your thoughts convince you that you’ve already failed? If your partner sucks at texting you back during the work day, do you take it as an obvious sign that they aren’t actually your soulmate? If you turn in a few work assignments late, does your thinking tell you that you “always mess things up”? If so, you likely tango with all-or-nothing thinking.
The trouble with all-or-nothing thinking is that nothing in the actual world is black and white. There is no perfect thing, and there is no opposite-of-perfect thing. All-or-nothing thinking can be incredibly damaging if left unchecked for too long. It contributes to feelings of stress and anxiety, and ultimately keeps us stuck. After all, mistakes are our best teachers. If each time we make a mistake or encounter a problem/flaw we immediately consider ourselves or the situation to be completely bad, how do we grow? Well, we don’t. What happens instead is we unknowingly provide ourselves with more ammunition for the next time we turn to all-or-nothing thinking. “I always give up” turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy pretty quickly.
So, how do we deal with this notorious cognitive distortion? Learning to recognize your all-or-nothing thinking as it’s happening is a great first step toward moving away from this distortion. Therapy can be an excellent tool to help with this. To vet your distorted thinking on your own, be on alert for words like “never”, “always”, “completely”, and “ruined” when they pop up in your language or psyche. While it can be fun to use dramatic wording get your point across, it quickly becomes un-fun when you start to actually perceive the events in your life as all good or all bad, all the time. While monitoring your thoughts, offer gentle mental corrections when you use absolute language. The next time you think “I always do this”, try replacing that thought with “I noticed I frequently fall into this pattern, and I’d like to brainstorm action steps to address it”. Ok, it doesn’t have to be that formal, but you get the gist - extend compassion to yourself as the multi-faceted, ever-evolving being that you are.
When we learn to acknowledge and embrace the many shades of gray inherent to the human experience, we set ourselves free from unrealistic expectations. And once you’re free, you just might find that you’re doing better than you thought you were.
Elizabeth Raps
Elizabeth is a musician and writer living in Athens, GA